In some situations I feel like I can't reach a mutual understanding and resolution. If you state your opinions by using the from "You make me feel.", or "I feel like you are." then there is a high probability that the other person will feel attacked or will become defensive about what you are trying to communicate which will not solve the situation. Remember that the idea is to convey your feelings and thoughts in a way that will protect the relationship. What if instead of using the form "I feel.", I state how the other person makes me feel? Potential result : Undoubtedly we'll have more productive, calm and civil discussions which will greatly improve the quality of our relationship. At the same time, I feel like this will prevent me from getting angry and attacking him back when we talk about something we disagree on. Interpersonal right : I feel like I should be able to set a more clear boundary about what types of behaviors are acceptable to me. Take your time and then write your answers in the worksheet.Ĭurrent relationship situation : I want to ask my boyfriend to behave in a more calm way and to talk more quietly when we have discussions about something. Think of a current relationship situation and how it would be different if you acted more according to the interpersonal right you feel is lacking in the way you are communicating. Which one of these beliefs do you think that you'll benefit from internalizing more?
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Perhaps it will be helpful to go back to the result that you got from the quiz about identifying your communication style (exercise one). Think about the way you are usually connecting with people. taking the time to make a decision about something, taking the time to think about a request somebody is asking for, say no to a request and not feel guilty about it, express our opinions even if we disagree with somebody, In the interpersonal relationships that we have, we all have the right to: Remember that being assertive and communicating effectively isn't only about our needs but also about validating the experiences of the person we are communicating with. Sometimes through our past experiences we might have formed certain beliefs that are incongruent with some universal truths that make us feel safe and healthy in the relationships we have. In this exercise, we will shortly go over some of the interpersonal rights we all have. I want to talk about getting a raise because everything has become much more expensive the past two years.
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I want you to spend 2 hours every day doing your homework and studying. I want to get out with my friends because I'm not having any social fun lately. I want us to spend this evening together so that we'll have some quality time for ourselves. So keep it singular and therefore doable. Also, if you requests several things, that may feel like too much for the other person. Instead, you can ask for a behavioral change that is specific and timely. Don't ask the other person to change what they are thinking or feeling. There are several things to keep in mind when it comes to expressing your needs. The third script you can use is the one that conveys the actual need you are trying to communicate. I feel like I'm being rejected and like I don't matter. Try to express the feelings that you experience. Try not to attack the other person because that often results in them feeling and acting in a defensive way - this is not going to solve the situation. The second assertiveness statement you can use is about expressing the emotions you are feeling. I think that we only go out to the places you prefer, we've been to the movies twice last week. I think that we should visit our parents more often, we last saw them two months ago and we live in the same city. I think that we can start eating more healthy meals, we've been having a lot of takeout food lately.
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Refrain from attacking or judging the other person, or making assumptions about their opinions and emotions. In this part, you are simply expressing the facts of the situation and your perception of them. Then practice it by writing down what you would say in the worksheet. After each of them, think about a situation in which you want to effectively communicate something to somebody (your spouse, your children, your colleagues or boss, your friends, etc.). They are short, so you will be able to memorize them quickly and use them. In this exercise, we are going to look at four scripts you can use when expressing yourself. Instead of ending up feeling controlled or having somebody else feeling that way, this concept will help you develop healthy way to grow and enrich your relationships more. You already know that assertiveness is the middle ground between being aggressive or passive in the communication you have with other people.